…is not just the title of one of my favorite books (click me), it is how I feel right now. Usually, when I say that, it is because I can’t seem to find the time to do all the things I *need* to do– the grocery shopping, the cleaning, the bill-paying.

This time, however, it is a bit different. Everything that I need to do is getting done.

However, there are bunch of things that I want to do that I just wish I could fit in. There is so much that I’m excited to do, and motivated for, but I just can’t find the time to fit it in. If there were just 2 more hours in the day, I could squeeze in some of these things, like running/exercising, reading the Bible and other assorted books, a little more camping, more home cooked meals. As it is, though, these things are left in my mind to be excited about doing, like I’m at the starting line of a race, anticipating the gunshot, when I’m able to leap off the line and experience these things.

Someday. Someday soon, hopefully.

About a month ago, I was talking with a friend of mine about relationships. He was getting out of one that hadn’t been so good for him, and we were just kind of discussing all of the little rules that we individually had for relationships. One of mine was this:

I believe that there should not be any fights in the first six months of a relationship.

While he disagreed on the appropriate time frame, and exactly what constituted a “fight,” the sentiment was essentially shared. There is usually a certain amount of time where both parties are so enamored with one another, that they compromise and accept (or tolerate) practically everything about the other person, with the goal of advancing the relationship. The relationship, if it is going to last for any length of time, should be able to make it past this point relatively easily. It is the “honeymoon” phase, and after it is over, that’s when the “work” of a relationship really begins.

As such, I have a fight scheduled for January 19th, five months from today. And I’m so excited about what that means. (:

I was watching one of my favorite Scrubs episodes yesterday. In “My Best Laid Plans,” JD, Turk, and the Janitor all have plans that are going their way. But then one small misstep sends their plans out of control and they end up alienating those around them, leaving each of them alone.

Sometimes things don’t work out quite as I expected them to, despite my best efforts. Like, for instance, when I install a new program on my phone, and it automatically posts an almost blank, nonsensical post to my blog. (Sorry about that.)

Other times, however, in spite of all the control and direction that I try to maintain, things will go awry in the other direction. Without any intervention on my part, things suddenly seem better than I’d even planned. This summer has been one long example of that. Things just seem to be turning up better than I’d hoped, better than I’d planned for, better than I could have expected.

Sometimes, my best laid plans just aren’t good enough, I guess.

!$text$!

“It is…”
“It’s about…”
“It’ll be…”

No matter which way it was phrased, there was never enough time for me or Heather to stop whoever was speaking from saying the words we knew were coming next:

“Three thirty.”
“Ten twenty-five.”
“Eight o’clock.”

From shortly after we departed until we returned from the five-day adventure, there were precious few times where I had any idea what time it was. And Heather and I were loving every minute of it. In fact, it took any of us two or three minutes to even determine what day it was.

I loved this so much because it is the very antithesis of what I’m accustomed to in the real world. I loved finding out later that I had gone to bed before 10 p.m., loved how lunch seemed like it was only an hour after breakfast, loved how a 30 minute hike actually lasted 2 hours. I went to sleep when I was tired, ate when I was hungry, and relaxed when I wanted to. There was no anticipating the next moment because I literally had no idea what the next moment was. I was, as the cliché goes, “living in the moment.”

Now that I have this post out of the way. I need to get to sleep. It is after 11 and I have to get up before 7 to be at work at 8 in time for a meeting at 8:30.

This is the first of a series of reflections on my whitewater rafting trip. The rest will be coming as I have the time and energy…probably a post every day or two.

I hadn’t seen Joe in about three or four years or so, since he invited me to the Big 12 basketball tournament. In that time, he’d moved to Minnesota with his girlfriend and we’d emailed only a handful of times. So I was a little nervous when Heather, Tony, and I pulled up to the gas station where we were meeting Joe on our way out to Colorado.

And for the next five days, it was like I’d stepped back in time. Sure, it was obvious that he was more mature now, more professional, all that stuff…but this was the exact same Joe that I remember. The thing I love most about Joe- his sense of humor- was exactly as I had remembered it: extremely witty, very dry, almost coy. Just perfect.

It was great to bond with Joe over the course of those five days- to rediscover where he is at in his life, how things are going up in Minnesota, how life has been. It was awesome to lead the raft with him on Day Two, to share that responsibility. But it was best to laugh at his jokes, the same kind I remember so fondly from college.

Some things actually do stay the same, I guess.

I hadn’t seen Heather in about three years or so, since she got married. In that time, we’d kind of grown apart and went our separate ways, despite both being in the greater St. Louis area. It was probably mostly my fault, and so I was a little apprehensive when I saw her and her husband walk into the restaurant I was eating at recently.

I thought for a little while about whether I should go over and say hello and see how life had been for them. I’m usually not one to do that kind of thing, due to the usual awkwardness of the situation and my shyness. However, I remember Heather always being able to make me feel comfortable and never concerned with who’s “fault” it was we hadn’t seen each other in awhile; she was always happy to see me.

I was much surprised, however, when I walked over there and proceeded to talk with her husband (whom I had only spoken to twice previously) about how their family was doing. Granted, Heather had the responsibility of taking care of their 2-3 year old, but she was much different than what I remember. Perhaps the three years was too long, or maybe one or both of us had changed too much in that time, but what I always used to remember as comfortability and acceptance was replaced with awkwardness and indifference.

Some things won’t stay the same, I guess, no matter how much I’d like them to.

Exactly two weeks from today, almost exactly to the minute, I will be pushing a raft into the Arkansas River waters and hopping in, beginning a five day adventure that I’ve been dreaming about since I was probably 12 or 13.

After months of preparation and anticipation, I will be accomplishing one my life’s goals: a multi-day whitewater rafting trip. And I absolutely cannot wait to encounter my first Class 5 rapid, and enjoy the combination of strength, determination, and precision that will carry me and my raft mates through it. I am looking forward to the 4-6 hours of exertion to the point of exhaustion, and then collapsing at the end of the hard day. I am looking forward to looking up and seeing the stars, being far away from anything remotely responsible or reeking of “normal life,” and enjoying God’s beautiful land. I am looking forward to clearing my mind of any lingering thoughts and just letting it breathe. And, after all that, rinsing and repeating four more times!

I am excited to be, for the second year in a row, accomplishing one of my life’s dreams. I love the change that has occured in me. I used to just dream of these things. Now, I am making them my reality. As such, I am equally excited to begin planning to accomplish my next dream (which right now is a toss up between skydiving and buying a motorcycle).

Here’s to dreaming big, and living up to those dreams.

My status message on AIM reads:

Sore all over? Check.
Swollen knees? Check.
Blisters forming? Check.

God, it’s been a good day.

I just got back from my first Wednesday evening pickup soccer game of the year. I played with these guys for the latter half of the summer/early fall last year, and am so glad that it is back. Part of the reason I like it so much is because it is incredibly comfortable. Most of the guys that play are right at my skill level, meaning I can hold my own, but am still challenged to work a little harder, make the better pass, play better defense.

Most of the reason, though, is because soccer is the perfect stress reliever for me. No matter what is going on each week, when I put on my boots and step over that real or imagined touchline, I’m free. I’m free to be a kid without cares or worries, free to push my body to the limit (playing in 100° temperatures, or just in 70° temps with two surgically reconstructed knees), free to do something that makes me happy.

I can’t wait for next Wednesday already!

I just finished listening to what has to be my favorite playlist ever. It has to be because it is comprised of the 250 songs that I have listened to most since July 24, 2002, when I last created a new directory in iTunes. Since that time, I’ve been adding more and more music. This playlist is the cream of the crop.

I thought it would be fun to analyze that playlist a little bit and provide some trivial information about it, just to see what my tastes are like less consciously. The result is this post: everything you wanted to know about my 250 most played songs.

There are 35 songs that remain in the top 250 from 7.24.02, when play count began. The most recently added song was Daughtry’s “Over You,” which was added just under 4 months ago (11.27.07).

And the winner is…
My most played song is R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)” with 76 plays. There are 18 songs at the bottom of the list that have been played 21 times each. Matt Maher’s “Your Grace is Enough” would be the most played, but I have two copies, played 75 and 40 times each.

Speaking of Matt Maher, he has the most songs on the list, with an even 20. Several artists only have one song on the playlist.

Does anyone listen to a whole album anymore?
Despite having 20 songs, Maher doesn’t have the album with the most songs. That goes to Greenwheel’s “Soma Holiday,” which has 12 songs making the list. This represents the entire album.

Nelly appears on the most albums, either with his own songs, or songs he has guested on. He appears on 10 different albums and 17 tracks.

Song titles
• The longest track title is SONICflood’s “I Could Sing of Your Love Forever.”
• The shortest is Lucy Pearl’s “You,” featuring Snoop Dogg.
• 11 songs appear on the list more than once, either by having a remix making the list, an acoustic or live version, or, in “Your Grace is Enough”s case, just having two copies. One of those songs, R. Kelly’s “Ignition,” has three versions making the list.

Track length
• The longest track in length is Chris Tomlin’s “Amazing Love,” at 6 min 31 sec.
• The shortest is “Intro,” by July for Kings, which proceeds an amazing track called “Believe.” The intro is 37 seconds long.
• The average track in the playlist is 4 min 2 sec long.

If you’re interested in perusing the whole list, it can be downloaded here.